tsja, gitaristen...
dit overzichtje doet me denken aan die waslijst over wanneer je een echte synthnerd zou zijn...
Deze bedoel je ??
This one is for the synth heads. It's a long one, but it's pretty funny. I can relate to *ALOT* of these.
1. You not only tap in time to the signal indicators on your car, but know exactly how many BPMs they're flashing at.
2. You go to hear a symphony orchestra and while your significant other is listening to the music, you're calculating the polyphony required to reproduce it.
3. Your neighbors are always asking your wife about "those weird noises" coming from your house.
4. In addition to your in and out trays at work, you have one marked 'thru'.
5. Last Christmas you synced your Christmas tree lights to your TB-303.
6. The accelerator on your car has aftertouch.
7. You expect the cutoff frequency of your door to change when you turn the knob.
8. You hear thunder and marvel at how clean the low pass is.
9. Your telephone answering-machine message took 2 days to produce and you're planning on a remix.
10. You keep getting rid of furniture to make room for more gear.
11. Your idea of being productive is to scan the classifieds for cheap midi gear.
12. You're always turning the hot and cold water knobs on the sink looking for that "perfect" mix.
13. Your idea of relaxing is sitting in the dark and watch your rack's lights blink and glow.
14. You perk-up on Sundays when you hear the word "Prophet".
15. You can tell the difference between 12dB/24dB filters by ear.
16. Every piece of clothing you own has a synth manufacturer's logo on it.
17. Synth manufacturers call YOU for technical support.
18. You stop at every garage sale and pawn shop in the hope of finding a Moog 55 for $50 or less.
19. You break out in a cold sweat when you drive past a keyboard store.
20. You carry around a picture of your modular in your wallet that you show everyone at least once.
21. Your monthly power bill is always well in the triple digits.
22. You believe Sampling Rates provide a true, mathematically pure measure of beauty.
23. The afterlife will include never ending opportunties to futs with really awsome synths without ever having to attend to mundane stuff like mowing the lawn.
24. You don't worry about temperature instabilities in some of your older gear because you never turn any of those machines off.
25. You have to start the day by checking the action of bandpass filters and comb filters or else you just don't feel 'normal.'
26. You head for your studio as soon as your girlfriend/wife goes to bed.
27. Your significant other says communication is important in a marriage, so you buy her a new K2600 of her own so the two of you can jam.
28. One day you step out of your studio and realize your family has moved out and you have no idea when it happened.
29. You believe the term "fanatic" would apply to just about anything except the acquisition of synths and samplers.
30. The meaning of "balance" in life has to do with prioritizing everything else in relation to the central importance of synths and samplers.
31. Your spend weeks overhauling your old recordings after you get a new keyboard.
32. You keep going over old Keyboard magazines thinkin you might spot a cool synth you missed somewhere along the way.
33. You name your first baby "Yamaha" if it's a girl, "Korg" if a boy;
34. You take the first pictures of your new born baby while she's sitting not on the bed or the potty, but on your studio mixer;
35. You tell your significant other that you're going to buy a new filter for the car, come back home with a Filter Factory or Sherman FilterBank, and try to explain that the knobs are for draining the old oil out;
36. When you brush your teeth you try to emulate the sound of a record being scratched;
37. You keep the A-Z of Analog Synthesisers by Peter Forrest in the drawer of your night-table and quote verses and phrases from it;
38. Your first baby gets born with a 1/4" patch cord attached instead of a regular ombelical one;
39. You have more lights in your studio than your x-mas decoration of the house and the tree together
40. You give 'm personal names instead of the brand names
41. Your significant other gets suspicious when you talk about that bright-green eyed black beauty with the great action.
42. No matter what the costs are, you'll spend it if you get your 1994 workstation buttons fixed.
43. Most places of the board near the pitch bender are completely smoothed out.
44. The walls of your studio start complaining about the weight they always have to toss.
45. Cables. Lots of 'm.
46. You unplugged your TV and ran an extension cord across your living room because you ran out of outlets.
47. You chose the TV because you're already using the outlet for the microwave.
48. And the fridge.
49. You play "air-keyboard" while listening to your favorite synth solos
50. And you still "tweak the filter"
51. You have knobs to adjust the A/D/S/R of your car's horn.
52. You do tweak your g/f's tits during sex so she will moan a different tone
53. Airplane pilots get confused by the flashing lights from your rig.
54. You can't find Fluffy, that kitten your kid brought home last spring, but there's an unusually large bulge in the patch cords on your modular synth.
55. You not only know the BPM of your car's signal indicators, but you've actually sampled them, and used the resulting sound in a rhythm part for a song.
56. When your wife says the mixer is broken, you experience a moment of sheer terror before she says "I think it's the motor."
57. You've made off with all your kids' sound-producing toys, to "circuitbend" them (or, at the very least, to sample them).
58. You find yourself breathing into drinking glasses and wondering if the resulting heavy breathing sound would be of any use. Then you begin to wonder how the Darth Vader sound was produced, or, worse yet, try to figure out if the effect the drinking glass is imposing is more like a low- or a band-pass filter.
59. You can program a DX7.
60. And actually get the sound you want.
61. You spend more time at Guitar Center than at work.
62. You have trouble with cooking because when the recipe says to mix in an egg, you can't figure out what sound an egg makes.
63. You find the question "how much groove could a groovebox groove if a groovebox could box groove?" amusing, and actually remember it for two months. Instead of remembering your anniversary.
64. Your idea of heaven would be very simple: a mind-controlled synth system that actually works and a really comfortable chair.
65. You believe any given Future Music magazine to be of higher literary merit than War and Peace.
66. You keep a bottle of superglue in your studio for re-attaching knobs you've again managed to break with overzealous tweaking.
67. You own a rackmount coffee mug holder, for those late-nite sessions.
68. You've ever wondered if the Waldorf Q and the Q from Star Trek have anything at all to do with each other (this indicates a few other things, besides being too into synths...)
69. "Tweaking the filter" is an inside joke or euphamism in your group of friends. Your wife disapproves.
70. You can't understand what the obsession is with natural vocal parts...you wish they were all vocoded or otherwise freaked.
71. You get excited when you hear about the Trinity in church, and when something goes according to Prophecy, you get tingles all up and down your spine.
72. You wonder what the trade-in value of your car is....at Guitar Center.
73. Your wife gets really worried that somebody's sending you a virus via e-mail, whenever you get something from the great (albeit very German) guys at Access tech support.
74. You've created a virtual analog synth program. For your TI-83 calculator.
75. You think the House Committee for Unamerican Activities (headed by Senator McCarthy) should investigate Access, for making their c's look like hammer-and-sickles and for making all their synths red. "And Clavia is next!"
76. You've wondered if the word "nord" is written on Clavia synths in the same font that Bob Moog originally used to write "moog" on his.
77. Your wife discovers your secret Bob Moog shrine
78. And doesn't like the implications of the big pink heart you put around his picture.
79. Your response to "I'm pregnant" is: "I guess that means the FIZMO has to go."
80. Your wife also suggests you sell the MC505.
81. And get an RM1x instead.
82. So you will stop asking for it in your prayers at the dinner table.
83. You long for the days when monitors had knobs.
84. You weren't sure whether I meant computer monitors or studio monitors.
85. Your band-mate has ever asked you to write them into your will.
86. And you did.
87. You think that our number system should be based on increments of 128.
88. You've ever spent 6 hours tweaking a guitar sample you recorded instead of actually PLAYING the part.
89. You've ever dropped a piece of gear and cried.
90. Then you had to seek professional help.
91. And now your gigs are sponsored in part by Pfizer.
92. You're white and you've used the term "phat" in a sentance.
93. You cry out 'Oh Moog' at ~that~ certain crucual moment.
94. The phrase 'cutoff knob' is dropped into conversation so casually that all the guys in your office cross their legs.
95. You intuitively know the modulation speed and depth settings for your blender, washing machine, tumble drier etc.
96. You set your Roland TR505 to 60 BPM and use it as an egg timer (this actually has been done!).
97. Wake up sweating from a nightmare where a technocidal maniac was chainsawing your Korg SP100 in half.
98. waking up from a nightmare noticing all your precious synths were traded for awful PSS-keyboards (did really happen)
99. resynthesising your door bell and wondering what is wrong with the ring modulation of the thing
100. knowing how to convert from 0-127 ADSR to 0-100 T1V1T2V2T3V3T4V4 (time variant amplifier on early digitized analogue systems)
101. lugging 2 40 lbs. synthesizers around on an extremely hot summer day for 1 mile through town just because no one else has the guts to do it (and the bus driver didn't feel like doing it). then notice your hat is half filled with sweat. (did really happen - school orchestra had a tour in munster, germany. one DX-7 under my arm, while the other one was carrying a JX-3P. no flightcases, no wheels, and a rubber hat on my head because we were doing a blues brothers act.)
102. You put a Santa hat on your DX-7 when Christmas time rolls around.
103. When you hear the newest cheesy trance lead, you run home and try to play it yourself.
104. You shed a small tear when someone knocks the cz-101 on harmony-central.
105. You wonder if the dude who programmed the presets into your cs1x is the same guy who painted the decals on the motorcycle that just passed by.
106. Your mom is worried because she constantly hears you and your friends talking about “tweaking”.
107. You’ve wondered if it would be possible to install a Triton on your dashboard, so that…
108. You could use your car as a midi controller!
109. A grin comes to your face, when your significant other calls back and says “Sorry, I was cutoff”
110. You wish Korg would start making automobiles.
111. When you go to Guitar Center, lay down a groove on an electribe, and then everyone else in keyboards starts playing along to your beat.
112. You have an action figure guarding your synthesizers.
113. Your lost in the woods, and your best friend gets hypothermia because you won’t sacrifice your minimoog to keep the fire going.. He soon dies…
114. But the pain is short lived… when you realize that in his will he left you his Ensoniq Mirage!
115. You’ve actually “strapped on” a keyboard…
116. and walked around in public!
117. You’ve sampled your sequencer’s metronome.
118. You wonder what EMU was thinking when they came up with “Mo Phat!” and “Planet Phat!”
119. You wonder what JoMoX was thinking when they came up with… JoMoX.
120. You get confused between your significant other and your synth: They both start screaming when you push their buttons.
121. You feel like Indiana Jones when you come across a genuine vintage synth.
122. You email Casio every other day begging them to release a new, state-of-the-art, phase synthesizer!!
123 - You ponder the possibility of setting up a giant digital whoopee cushion system, wherby midi triggers built into chairs around the house trigger off a fart sound on a sampler.
124 - You start recognising synthesisers (and sometimes synth PATCHES) when you go to the cinema/watch TV
125 - In the bit in the 'Karate Kid' where daniel-san is painting the fence, you unconsiously mutter 'Note-on, Note-off, Note-on, Note-off'.
126 - You start wondering what the sampling/bit rate of the female voice in talking lifts is.
127. You are the proud owner of every synth that's been reviewed in Keyboard magazine the last 10 years.
128.You and your congressman are drafting legislation that will make electronic music mandatory at shopping malls everywhere.
129. You doctor has diagnosed your hand problem as "push button syndrome."
130. You believe almost every news story has a hidden meaning about new advances in music technology.
131. You swing by at HC every half hour to make sure no new developments won't pass you by.
132. You're waiting for that new Operating System upgrade that will let you levitate.
133. You're working on a pocket calculator that generates different tekno tracks with the press of every button.
134. You think Frank Sinatra's "Strangers in the Night" would make a new hit record if it were done with more contemporary synth sounds.
135. You believe Frank Sinatra was reincarnated as Moby.
136. You believe the only thing wrong with opera, polka, and country music is that they just don't have enough synths in them.
137. You have a midi accordion that triggers any module in your 10 foot rack.
138. You prefer to take dinner in your studio while you're "working" rather than with the rest of the family
138. You prefer to take dinner in your studio while you're "working" rather than with the rest of the family.
139, When your significant other insists you watch TV together, you're always awaiting for the commercials so you can squeeze in a few quick sample edits.
140. Your hands twitch and your mouth goes dry every time you hear an unfiltered note.
141. You can't get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom without listening to your latest creations at least 4 or five times.
142. You've tied to explain to people that they need softsynths to really make The Force work.
143. You've decided to clean the cat box only twice a month in order to get "more important things" done.
144. You've painted your studio black so as to get a more pure rendering of the lights on your gear.
145. Five computers arent enough to control everything in your studio
146. You not only notice that household appliances can generate cool tekno sounds, but also argue with your spouse about which is more suited for your next tekno masterpiece.
147. The mere hint of a chirpy tekno synth causes you to drool uncontrollably.
148. You've rewired the house for stereo in every room so that you can hear your music everywhere you go.
149. If you know for a fact that many great synth programmers were wicked French cooks in their previous incarnations
150. If you believe that birds and crickets are actually killer tekno synths in disguise.
151. When you go out to get the newspaper, you expect to see a story about a Korg and Roland merger and details about their plan to take over the world.
152. The people in the GC keyboard department haven't the faintest idea of what you're talking about whan you ask them a technical question.
153. After four years of remixing you're still not happy with the only background music MP3 you've ever uploaded to your website.
154. The real purpose of learning to program synths is to help reduce the amount of randomness in the universe.
155: You read a Roland or Yamaha manual, and think it makes perfect sense, in a clear, concise manner.
156: And you start with the Sys-Ex implementation section.
157: And it's for a peice of gear you don't even own or plan to, you just downloaded the manual for recreational reading.
158: You keep trading in girlfriends, but have never traded in a synth.
159: You would be happy to suffer through 11 more sequels of Keanu Reeve's bad acting just to see Matrix 12 written in big letters all over town.
160: You fondly reminice about the sound of the D-50 as having that "Warm, vintage, digital sound" that today's VA's just can't capture.
161: You've actually called Yamaha to get them to reissue the FS1R, and thought they might listen to you
162: You've stopped going to Guitar Center entirely, because their display floor can't hold a candle to your bedroom.
163: When your cable TV picture get's fizzy, you check the box for a "tune" button to correct for oscillator drift.
164: You have a poster hanging on the wall showing FM algorithm's
165: You routinely have to write cease and desist letter's to companies selling program sound banks, because they keep including patches that you programmed ten years ago.
166: Despite spending more and more on advertising, you realize that Roland and Yamaha Synth's are progressively getting lamer and lamer as time goes along.
167: You understand C-sound.
168. You start writing movie plots and casting synths as the main players.
169. And part of you actually thinks it would be a good idea.
169. You actually believe a particular device "works" for a particular "character" in the movie.
170. You've got ideas for sequels to your synth movies
171. You've collected more samplers after the age of 18 than baseball cards before the age of 16
172. You can recreate the sound of any family member's voice using only sine waves and additive synthesis
173. You can think of 172 reasons that you know you've been spending too much time with synths/samplers
174. If people groan and roll up their eyes when you pick out the music at a party.
175. If your idea of a good time is integrating MIDI and SCSI
176. If you window shop at Radio Shack and CompUSA just "for thrills."
177. If you need a checklist to turn on your rig.
178. If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE, thinking maybe this calls for an adjustment of the 'Presence' and EQ controls on your refridge.
179. If you believe anyone who doesn't hang out at the HC Keys,Synths& Samplers forum is an alien.
180. You've ever called up your girlfriend to tell her you just bought a Juno 60 for $200 and it sounds totally phat. (I did this last night)
181. You spend your time at work alt-tabbing between the BBS Forums and your actual WORK.
182. You bought your own house just so you could use your studio monitors at full volume.
183. Your bedroom is soundproofed.
184. But you sleep in the living room.
185. You bought an extra ten-space rack and thought "This'll hold me for another month."
186. But it didn't.
187. You found out that Ogre is giving away his Jupiter 6, and you research the history of Skinny Puppy so you can win the contest.
